The Dell IdeaStorm blog, in which I’ve already vented my frustrations regarding Microsoft, seems to have an interesting personality floating around the multitudes of posters. Under the nomenclature “kyliemanders,” I would swear that Steve Ballmer himself has gone incognito and tried to spread the Microsoft gospel on any forum that would listen. Although it remains to be seen, here’s ten reasons why I think Microsoft’s Chief Excrutiating Officer has taken on a virtual persona:

1. Likes to make sure Bill Gates gets his due
Idea titled “Firefox is a morally superior browser:”

kyliemanders: ...Remember IE7 is FREE and you can download it for both XP and Vista. Now get down off your high horse and pay some respect to Bill as he so deserves.

(my high horse galloped into the sunset on that last statement)

2. Does not think Vista, even in Beta form, was/is a bomb.
In retort to an user speaking of Vista spawning refugees to other OSes:

kyliemanders: . . .@n75jw – what are you talking about … Vista is awesome I’ve been using it since Beta 1 almost 8 months now.

(what the heck beta was he using? The second to last RC nearly destroyed my machine)

3. Wants American money to stay in America
Responding to Idea titled “Stop making excuses, and start paying attention. WE WANT LINUX!!!”

kyliemanders: ...Me I just prefer Microsoft and have earned a very nice living developing web apps using .NET. I think Microsoft is American as is Dell and we should give them our money to keep it in the family…

(of course, why send all those dollars to the freedom-loving software commies in Europe?)

4. Considers Office 2007 a “killer app”
Filed under Idea titled “Linux + Beryl”

kyliemanders: It maybe nice but unfortunately it doesn’t run Office 2007 without any fancy ad-ins does it? So our next 2000 PCs will be Dells running Vista Business edition. Our people know and love Windows and that is wht we shall continue to use.

(seems to also exhibit an authoritarian view on his employee’s OS usage)

5. Seems to have insider’s knowledge of Microsoft’s OEM contract with Dell.
Under the Idea titled “Make clear what Windows Vista costs”

kyliemanders: _…Windows is Free with your Dell… Take it and shut up. If you want to unstall it, then do so … quietly and be happy with the money you have saved. It is a win win situation!*

(as a side note, kylie/ballmer would rather that if you did remove Windows, you’d not make a fuss about it.)

6. Does not believe in web standards (or secure browsing)
Under the thread titled “Have Firefox pre-installed as default browser”

kyliemanders: If Dell is selling Microsoft Vista as the OS they should be using IE7 as the default browser. It only makes sense, better integration with other Microsoft applications and iIE7 s far sexier looking than Firefox with its chunky dated icons. You don’t want to showcase your product with tacky open source cobblings.

Most people associate the Internet with Internet Explorer. You also get the best browser experience as most web sites are optimized for Internet Explorer. Take Safari for example. The poor Mac user is a second class citizen on the Internet…I am not a Microsoft employee but have been a web developer since 1999.

(the last statement is obviously an attempt to throw off suspicions as to his true identity)

7. Fears Open Source
Fittingly tucked away in the thread labeled “Pre-Installed OpenOffice | alternative to MS Works & MS Office”

kyliemanders: This open source stuff gives me the creeps – sorry bad idea…

(coming to a theater near you: “Loss of Proprietary Monopoly!” Who knew software could be so scary?)

8. Can not find Europe on a map
Under the same Idea as above.

kyliemanders: Looking at who has promoted this idea – looks like 3 people in the United States, and the rest in Eurpoe… Does Dell even sell computers there?

(well, to be honest, I don’t quite know how the current #2 computer manufacturer in the world could do it without selling to Europe. . .but then again, it seems Microsoft is doing it’s best to tick off an entire continent, so maybe it can be done)

Also, in the current top thread he makes this mind-numbingly stupid statement:

kyliemanders: Looks like those in Madrid Spain really want this! I don’t think anyone in the US does save a few fanatics. But if Dell offers thiss as an option why not!

9. Is only concerned with how much money he makes
Under the Idea titled “Microsoft” (the poster rails on MS’s shoddy software support).

kyliemanders: Sorry I make a nice living developing Microsoft apps. Microsoft rocks!

(I never took Ballmer for the developing type, but then again, it would explain a lot. . .)

10. Is convinced that nobody’s actually interested in open source outside of a few “fanatics”
In response to a poster in the top thread noting how fast it made it there (coincidentally being the thread advocating Linux on Dell machines)

kyliemanders: Holy crap is right – but 99% of the posters are spam. Some open source nut has probably posted this link to all his spamming buddies.

Those are my top ten reasons why I think kyliemanders is none other than Mr. Scream Baldmer himself. However, these are just a sampling of the ridiculous comments that I’ve been able to find floating out there on blogs all over the internet. I find it amazing that Microsoft’s CEO has so much time to dedicate to trolling.

Finally, I leave you with some other gems of self-deception that kyliemanders has spewn all over the net.

kyliemanders: Man there is more versions on Unix than Windows Vista! I am very confused by all these silly names ubunto, kubuntu – whucaresu

Comment on a page detailing MS’s attempt to shut out Google:

kyliemanders: Google is a rotten whore and I sincerely hope they lose many market share points to Microsoft and others.

In response to an article critical of Vista’s DRM:

kyliemanders: I don’t see what all the fuss is about people. Vista is a terrific improvement over XP. Quit your moaning and go back to work!

In response to another comment detailing how MS is back-stabbing it’s media player partners with the relase of the Zune:

kyliemanders: MS didn’t shaft any partners mr. Click. They still supports playsforsure and there are many playsforsure devices. I think they went our of their way to make sure they weren’t shafting anyone by creating another music service. I for one patietly await Zune phone!

In response to an article about LeBron James to help sell Vista:

kyliemanders: I never heard of this lebron fellow prior to the Vista launch.

Weird.